Being a woman, wife, mom, daughter, friend, and every other role a woman plays in her life is a juggling act. If I give too much attention to one, then I feel as if I have left a lot of balls in the air that are going to drop with a thud if I divert my attention too long to one thing.
I have half-jokingly told my kids that I want my epitaph on my marker to read:
Loving Wife and Mother
Devoted Daughter. Sister, Aunt, Friend
I feel this just about sums me up. I Tried. I always fall short of what my intentions are. Sometimes good enough is good enough. The areas of my life that I really care about are the relationships in my life.
I have a lot of love to give and I want to do that the best that I can. But I am human. I was not made to be perfect. Sometimes I am giving one kid so much attention because they are the one that needs it the most that day. It is easy for the other three kids to feel as if I am not as interested in their achievements and milestones. Then things shift and another kid gets my attention for a few days. Most of the time I feel like my life is one step forward and two steps back.
Of course, my husband is the one who gets put last most of the time. I know I am not the only wife guilty of that. So I will give a some attention to that relationship for a while before I pick back up with the kids. I always feel there is a fire that needs putting out and everyone has matches to start another fire the minute my back is turned.
Now that they are older, the fires are different that when the kids were little. When they were little, the fires were spilled juice, dirty diapers, not sleeping through the night, needing help with homework, etc. As they became teenagers and young adults, the fires are hurt feelings because an invitation to a party wasn’t received, not being included at the lunch table of choice, etc. Then once they start driving, the fires are fender benders, speeding tickets, etc. Basically, those fires are always expensive to solve. Then there are the broken hearts of breakups of first loves. As a mom the only thing we can say is that boy/girl wasn’t good enough for you, let them go. The tears of a young adult are harder to bear than those of a toddler.
Then I also have to nurture relationships with siblings, nieces, in laws, friends, etc. Sometimes I am so weary that the best that I can do is have a good relationship with my hairstylist because a half inch growth of my natural mousy blonde/gray hair is not going to make me feel any better while I am failing at all of the other areas of my life. Oh yeah, don’t forget my relationships with the gal at the nail salon, and the staff at the pharmacy counter at Walgreen’s. My assorted health issues have made the staff at Walgreen’s the people I see the most in my life. They don’t even ask me my name anymore they just head to the bin with the M on it. I told them one day that if they don’t see me for a week to send my husband a bouquet of flowers because that will have to mean I have kicked the bucket.
I think most women identify with the epitaph, SHE TRIED. In the end, that for the most part is the best any of us can hope. We just need to ask God everyday where He wants us to spread our attention that day and hope for the best.
Can you identify with anything I am feeling? Please share in the comments.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.