If I had a genie lamp and could have one wish, it would be to have the ability to go back in time to spend a day with my children when they were preschoolers. I loved listening to their version of life. I loved their curiosity at that age. I would love to have at least one more snuggle.
My wish came true in July. I had a Visitation Dream from Will. In this dream he was five years old.
I will try to set the stage for you. In the dream the year was 1992. My present day self was sitting in the backseat on the driver’s side of the 1987 silver Cutlass Supreme that we owned at the time. On my right was Hunt at the age of two years old. He was sitting in his Fisher-Price car seat. As I looked into the front seat, my view was of me, age 33, in the driver’s seat. Will, five years old, was sitting in the front passenger seat. ( Kids could ride dangerously back then; please don’t judge me. 🙂 )
As I watched from the backseat, everyone was in animation. The 33 year old me was driving them to Mother’s Day Out. The sun was out. Will was wearing a white crew neck t-shirt and a pair of red elastic waist twill shorts. His little legs were stuck straight out in front of him with white crew socks, rolled down one cuff, and a pair of white canvas slip-on Ked’s. His backpack was on the floor. He never left home without that backpack. It was always packed with the Sears Christmas Wish Book, a spiral notebook, and a ball point pen. He loved making a new Christmas list every day.
I couldn’t hear sound but I could see him talking animatedly to 33 year old Cindy while she drove. My present day self was marveling at the joyfulness of his spirit and energy. He was excitedly telling 33 year old Cindy about something. The detail in this dream was so vivid that I remember thinking to myself, I forgot he had those shorts. I forgot that he had those white slip-on Ked’s and wore them with those little rolled down socks. I forgot he had that little haircut with his thick, wavy, blonde hair. Oh! Look at those big blue eyes! It was as if I were watching a home movie titled, A Day in the Life of Cindy, Will and Hunt, 1992.
Of all of those details, the ones that stood out the most were how animated, curious, joyful, and delightful he was. I was looking at 33 year old Cindy and thinking, “She was so lucky and blessed to have this little boy in her life.”
What a gift Will gave me by coming to me in that dream as his 5 year old self! The message for me was clear: no matter how brief his life was here, the magnitude of joy he brought to my life cannot be measured by any earthly measurement of time. It was beautiful reminder of the gift of our life together.
Peace and Love.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
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