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What Bereaved Parents Want You to Know

By on Jan 10, 2018 | 2 comments

There is a common set of frustrations that seem to be shared by many bereaved parents. Before the loss of our child we believed the Five Stages of Grief were steps to be completed and checked off.  Denial, checked. Anger, checked. Bargaining, done.  Depression, completed. Acceptance, we are healed.  Then our child died.  Over time, we realized that this was an antiquated way of thinking of grief.  However, our friends, extended family, and co-workers may not be aware of this.  They may wonder why we are not moving on.  They may wonder when will we be finished with the first four stages of grief and finally reach acceptance so that everything goes back to normal. We will never be back to normal. Over time, we may learn to function.  We may be able to return to work and activities that we once enjoyed, but we will never be the same as we were before. If a length of time passes that our...

Please Don’t Do or Say These Things To a Bereaved Parent

By on Jan 4, 2018 | 6 comments

If you are a friend of a bereaved parent this post is for you.  Not everyone knows how to approach a bereaved parent. I want to give my definition of bereaved parent.  It may vary from parent to parent.  My definition of bereaved parent is if the first thing that I think when I see someone is  “Oh, there is (fill in name here).  I wonder how they have been doing since their child died?”  then they are a bereaved parent.   I can tell you that it is not something a person gets over, they just try to live with it the best that they can.  There is no timetable for grief. Here are some things I have learned most bereaved parents do not want you to say. 1.  “I’ve been meaning to call but I have been busy.”  This is more hurtful than comforting.  How am I supposed to respond to your inaction?  It really only leaves me with two possible responses.  I can murmur,...

How Will My Play End?

By on Jan 3, 2018 | 2 comments

I had an inspiration.  I began to imagine my life as if it were a play on a stage.  Let’s pretend that you have decided to buy a ticket to a play titled, The Life and Times of Cindy Magee.  As long as we are pretending, it will debut on Broadway because my life is better than a community theater play.  Plus, you get to go to New York and get dressed up. So in Act I, the characters Cindy and her fiance’, David, are making plans for their lives.  They will get married, work hard, buy a house, and they are dreaming of a precious baby that they hope to add to their lives to make this couple a family.  In the first act everything is going well.  They struggle to make ends meet, but use their resources and slowly begin building a cozy and comfortable life.  They find out that they are pregnant and they are over the moon.  This little baby boy, wrapped in blue, is the most...