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Rocking the Boat

By on Jun 3, 2017 | 8 comments

I haven’t posted very much in the last couple of months.  It has not been because I don’t have anything to write.  Mostly it has been because there are so many feelings. It is hard to write about all of these feelings without seeming like my mind is all over the place. The reality is my mind  has  been all over the place.  June 1st marks the 8 month mark since my son’s passing.  Y’all, there is a lot to process. It came to me today that this experience has been like being in the ocean in a rowboat.  Back in October, I didn’t have any clue how to use a set of oars.  I wasn’t in sync with my rowing.  I felt like I was going around in circles.  Girl, get it together.  You have to learn how to use the oars. I figured out how to get a little rhythm to my rowing, but my body wasn’t used to so much strain.  So I would quit rowing, float for a little...

Mourning

By on May 22, 2017 | 4 comments

I stumbled upon an article on the history of mourning clothes a couple of weeks ago.  Then I spent an inordinate amount of time in a Google abyss reading article after article.  I have been thinking about what I read since then and I thought some of you might find it interesting. In Victorian times the custom was for women to wear to wear black for two years after the loss of a loved one.  The first year the fabric was of a matte finish; the second year black satin or black lace could be added. After the two year period, women went into “half-mourning”; they could begin to add mauve or lavender to their wardrobe.  Jewelry was to be kept to a minimum with a black matte finish. Men in Victorian times wore black pants and coats.  As they re-entered the work world they would wear a black armband on the sleeve.  Even Victorian children were dressed in black for a specified...

Mother’s Day

By on May 11, 2017 | 6 comments

My first Mother’s Day was in 1987.  I was three months away from giving birth to my first baby.  The anticipation about who this little baby would be, what his personality would be like and how his arrival would turn a couple into a family was exciting. Everywhere I look in my home I am reminded of his existence in our family.  I open a drawer and I find a CD of a music artist he liked.  I open a closet and I see remnants of a life that included baseball and tennis trophies, high school art portfolios, and clothes that will never be worn again.  I open small boxes that I have stuffed with Wolf Photo envelopes full of photographs from his childhood and it transports me to a moment in time.  It is virtually impossible to look in any corner, cabinet, or closet without seeing a trace of his life.  He is literally everywhere I look.  I don’t go looking for these things; they...

All My Children

By on Apr 28, 2017 |

I am the mother of four children.  My son was 29 years old when he passed away. He would have turned 30 in August.  I also have two sons who are 26 and 23 years old and a daughter who is 21 years old.  I haven’t shared very much about them because most of my blog posts are about my journey through the loss of a child.  My feelings reflect my own heart and I have wanted to be respectful of their privacy.  I would love to share with you how proud  I am of all my children. My children were very close growing up.  We did everything as a family.  Most of their childhood years involved them all playing tennis.  Our family traveled to junior USTA tournaments a couple of weekends a month for years.  My husband and I love those memories of watching them all play tennis.  I think it defined us as a family for 16 years.  It gave the four of them a bond.  My daughter says that she loved...