There are some who believe that after child loss a parent loses a part of themselves in the form of security, trust, and hope.
It is a true statement that we are forever changed.
I agree that in the beginning stages there is a loss of security, trust, and hope. However, I will say over time, these feelings return in a different form than before. There is no prescribed time for this to happen.
For me, at almost five years, it returned at some point in the form of GRATITUDE for the things that do feel secure, trustworthy, and hopeful.
As I reflect on this, before childloss, I took these things for granted. I felt like my husband and I were good people, loved our family, and were hard workers so we deserved the good things in our life. I thought that I had the power to keep these things.
When one of the important things in our life was removed from our life as we knew it,I felt robbed. The very air I breathed did not feel secure.
As time has smoothed some of the jagged edges of my heart, I can now realize that I am grateful for all of my experiences, good and bad. Even in the most painful experiences , I have grown .
I feel grateful that I gave birth to four children. I feel grateful that I still have three children. I no longer EXPECT my children to be in my life, I have GTATITUDE they are in my life. I feel grateful that I can feel Will’s presence. I can feel him as I type this.
I no longer expect my husband to love me. I feel gratude that he does does love me. I know that child loss has changed him as well. So the fact that his healing is at the point where he can love me and be present with me, feels like a gift.
As far as the other things in my life like a house, furniture, clothes, food, medical care, a job, etc., I know those things can go away, too. Although we have worked hard for those things, many people work just as hard for much less of those things. I realize those things are not because of us, they are gifts despite of us.
I realize now that life happens FOR us, not to us. There can be a realization of gratitude and my growth in character.
I no longer take life for granted. Thanks be to to God, Higher Power, Creator.
Also thanks be to me because I realize and am grateful for my blessings. Will has been and is a blessing still.
Peace and love.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
- Seven Years - September 16, 2023
- Healing After Child Loss - June 19, 2022
- “You Are So Strong” - March 11, 2022
