Guilt.
How many of us felt guilt after our child passed? I sure did.
I was filled with “ If only I had_____.”
I filled that blank in with everything I thought I had done wrong ever as a mother. It spanned from the time he was born all the way until he died.
The guilt consumed me well into the second year. After that I still had pangs from time to time. I can’t say when it stopped. I just know that it has at 5.5 years.
I now know I am not powerful enough to be responsible for everything that goes wrong in my world. It boggles my mind that I ever felt that way. I certainly did not feel resonsible when things went well.
I learned to let go of what doesn’t bring me closer to peace, to my son, and to my husband and surving children. I feel peaceful.
If you are still in the guilt stage I hope this might encourage you. It is okay to feel those pangs of guilt until you can let it go. But please try to follow every wave of guilt with the words, “ I am not that powerful. I am not God.”
“If only I had________. I am not that powerful. I am not God.”
I truly believe that God knew the date of our birth and the day of our death before we were conceived.
Psalm 139:16
I focus on feeling blessed I was able to love my son from before that date until forever.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
- Seven Years - September 16, 2023
- Healing After Child Loss - June 19, 2022
- “You Are So Strong” - March 11, 2022
