My life changed in November 2003. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. The news was a blow to her and all of us who loved her. She was in shock. She just shut down. She told me that she wanted me to find an oncologist for her and make her an appointment. So I did what I usually do in an impossible situation. I prayed, Lord, please place someone in my path to show me the next right thing to do.
It is such a simple prayer but gets right to the heart of the matter. God, tell me what to do next. Clarity came and I called my neighbor, a neurologist, and asked him to tell me who he thought was the best oncologist in our area. Then I asked another half dozen health professionals who were friends or acquaintances for their thoughts. The same two names kept coming up so I made appointments with each.
We went to the first appointment. The doctor talked. I talked. My mother sat quietly. The doctor left the room and my mother said I like him, cancel the other appointment, and let’s find out what to do next. My mother told the doctor that she did not want him to tell her any details. She wanted him to tell me everything and my job was to tell her what she needed to know. Appointments were made for tests, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, etc.
I had a hair appointment the following week and I was telling my hairstylist about this newest turn of events. I told her that I had never felt such a burden and responsibility before. She told me that her next client was a breast cancer survivor and she wanted us to meet. Introductions were made and I told this stranger, who I have never seen again in 13 years, about my mother.
This woman gave me advice that I have never forgotten and became my mantra not only during my mother’s illness but for the rest of my life. She said, “You did not cause your mother’s cancer. You cannot cure your mother’s cancer. Your only job is to walk beside her on her journey. God uses trials to bring us closer to Him. He will use this to bring your mother closer to Him.”
The relief I felt upon hearing those words was life changing. The burden was not mine. My only job was to encourage her and walk beside her. Over the next 4 years she underwent treatments. She had good days and bad days. Her children and grandchildren were blessed with more time with her.
The last ten days of her life were spent in a hospital. She still did not want the doctor to tell her any details. He was to tell me and I would tell her what she needed to know. Although we never discussed what her definition of what she needed to know was, I knew it was don’t burden her with time lines, just tell her when her appointments were and where we were going. I was power of attorney for healthcare decisions if she was unable to speak for herself. She had requested a do not resuscitate order. She drifted in and out of sleep the last few days . Her last morning, the same oncologist who began this journey with her four years earlier, took me in the hall and told me that the time had come to let her go. She passed peacefully about six hours later.
My encouragement to anyone who is in the throes of burden is to pray, Lord, put someone in my path to show me the next right thing to do. The stranger who said, “You did not cause the cancer. You cannot cure the cancer. Your only job is to walk beside her on her journey”, did not know that she would have such a profound effect on my life. When I felt discouraged during my mother’s illness, I would recall this stranger’s words. I clung to her words. I have no doubt that she was the person that God put in my life to show me the next right thing to do.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
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