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Grief and Counseling

By on Jan 22, 2017 |

The first two weeks after our loss, we were walking around in shock.  I look back and think that this was God’s way of protecting us in the beginning while we were being forced to make so many difficult decisions.  Planning a service, finding an officiant, writing an obituary, and even deciding on pall flowers felt like we were walking in slow motion through a dream, or a nightmare to be more accurate. A couple of weeks later, after everyone had returned to their routines, the reality began to set in.  The loss and finality of it all became apparent in a very painful way. I have always been a proactive person.  I didn’t want to have too  much time to have  all of my emotions banging around inside my head without a referee.  That’s when I decided that grief counseling would be a tool that would be helpful in guiding me through this difficult process. I phoned a minister to ask for his...

Dear Me

By on Jan 20, 2017 |

” If you could write a note to the you from a year ago, to prepare for the year ahead, what would you say?” – Ali Nelson. I saw this prompt on a blog yesterday and it really struck a chord with me. Here’s my letter to January 2016 Me from January 2017 Me. Dear January 2016 Me, This is a very hard letter to write. You have not met me but I know you. On New Year’s Eve 2015, I heard you say, “Well, 2016 has got to be better than 2015 has been.” It really hurt me to hear you say that because I already know what 2016 has in store for you. I don’t want you to be scared or afraid to start each day anew, but you are going to be challenged physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The good news is that you will make it to meet me in January 2017. Things will happen that will be completely out of your control. Please try to believe me when I tell you that God is in control. You may not...

Other People

By on Jan 15, 2017 |

I watched a movie recently. A young man whose mother was in her final stages of cancer lamented to his friend, “This is the kind of thing that happens to other people.” His friend responded, “To me, you are other people.” It is so easy to think that bad things happen only to other people. Divorces, death, disabling car accidents, drug addiction, alcoholism, a home destroyed by fire, and the list goes on. We think to ourselves that they probably dropped the ball for a minute and that’s why something bad happened to them. We may foolishly think that we will be more mindful of our marriages. We will stay on top of preventative health. We will be defensive drivers. We will be hyper aware of the dangers of drugs and alcohol and never let ourselves get that far. We will make sure to never leave a candle burning while out of a room. It is so easy to think these things happen to other people....

Perspective

By on Jan 11, 2017 |

Last year, January 5th-9th, my daughter and I went to visit my son in sunny Florida. We got on a plane in Tennessee where it was 27 degrees and emerged in Fort Lauderdale 6 hours later, a sunny 85 degrees and palm trees lining the drive. What a treat! We had a great visit. They played tennis, I shopped, we went to the beach, my daughter and I took a jewelry class, and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. We hated to leave. We had brunch on the last day outside a cute deli and when we got off the plane in Memphis at 6 pm it was 30 degrees and sleeting rain. We headed for home which is an hour and a half from the airport in this sleet thinking this sure was a rude awakening. We drove on the interstate about 30 minutes, then the light on the dash said, Caution: Low Tire Pressure Left Front Tire. Now it officially stunk to be back home. I got off the interstate, stopped at three gas stations...

Grief and Christmas Part 2

By on Jan 3, 2017 |

It’s January 3rd.  I have been wanting to share my experience of Christmas Day for over a week and I am just now able to actually write about it.  I tried once last week and I deleted the whole thing.  I knew what my feelings felt like but I couldn’t think of the right words to describe them. What made December 25th different from another day, say December 12th?  It’s because I  have no specific memories of any December 12th. There is nothing emotional, personal, or exciting about December 12th.  But December 25th is an entirely different story.  It really starts with the days leading up to it.  Memories of Christmases past crept into my brain.  As I got ready for bed Christmas Eve, turning off the lights, filling stockings, and neatening up, I almost dreaded going to sleep knowing that this Christmas would be different. We opened gifts with our adult children and that was...