The second Christmas since my son’s passing is coming up. I will be honest, last year’s Christmas was really hard. It wasn’t because anyone was unkind. It’s just because 29 of my 57 Christmases were so full of memories that included him.
Memories of Christmases past flooded my mind during the entire holiday season. Remembering the fun of Santa, the year he got the Nintendo 64 he was dying to get, and watching videos of Christmas mornings were so bittersweet. Also, I am in the beginning stages of Empty Nest Syndrome so the challenges and changes that come with that are new to me as well.
I would like to share some of the ways that a friend can brighten someone’s Christmas who is bereaved. My definition of bereaved is anyone who has lost a very close loved one regardless of the length of time since the passing. There is no timetable for grief. The intensity of grief is as individual as a fingerprint. A good friend places no judgment on how long that should last.
- Send messages via text or messenger during the holidays and on Christmas Day. Last year on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I received numerous texts and messages from friends that included in real life friends and online friends. Most of the messages were simple, “Thinking of You”, “You are in my prayers”, etc. These expressions of support were really meaningful.
- Invite a bereaved friend to a Christmas program at church, your child’s school, a Christmas concert in the community. It’s ok if they decline the invitation but the thoughtfulness of the invitation will mean a lot.
Take some homemade goodies to them. It’s the small things.- Buy an ornament for their tree in memory of their loved one. Several people bought us ornaments in memory of our son. We appreciated that so much.
- Offer to help them to put up a tree. Many people who are newly bereaved don’t have the energy to do something so many people take for granted.
- Offer to help them with Christmas errands or shopping. Sometimes just having the support of someone picking you up and helping can be the little bit of help you need to move forward.
Invite them over for a meal or an afternoon cup of tea or coffee.- Mail them a Christmas card and tuck in a copy of a photo of their loved one or perhaps write a short note sharing a memory of their loved one.
- Ask them about their plans for Christmas Day. If they are going to be alone, consider asking them to come over for a portion of your day or ask if you can drop by with dessert and a visit.
- Ask about their loved one by name. It’s all that is on their mind. Don’t be afraid of a few tears.
- Send flowers to let them know you are thinking of them. Or you could take a Poinsettia to their house.
- Drop a little happy gift on their front porch. Then text and tell them to go look on their front porch.
It takes very little effort to brighten someone’s day. One day you may find yourself in a similar circumstance. It can mean so much to someone who has had a loss, especially if it is one of the First’s.
Peace and love.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
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