Have you ever practiced Gratitude?
There was a time when I thought gratitude was reserved for times when great things happened like birth announcements, a new job, the sale of a house, or perhaps an engagement. The other occasions were simply ordinary life.
After a devastating life event such as loss of a loved one, a home, or a job, the occasions to show gratitude change in direct proportion.
Gratitude might then be a roof over your head and a working heating and air conditioning unit. Gratitude might look like the people who show up in your daily life in ordinary ways to have conversation. It might look like a simple lunch with a friend. It might be gratitude for good health. It might be a job. Any job.
When one has lost a big chunk of their basic foundation, bells and whistles lose their meaning. The past two Christmases my family has requested a wish list and for the life of me I couldn’t think of anything for those lists. This is because all I want is their presence not their presents.
If there is a gift or upside to major loss, it is gaining the ability to strip away all of the fluff of life and get back to the basic needs. Food, shelter, health, and companionship are all that matter.
After loss, birds chirp louder and are more colorful. Flowers are brighter and smell sweeter. Coffee is coffee-er. A good hair day is a great hair day.
When you have plenty, more is never enough. When everything gets stripped back to existence, everything is a gift.
There have been psychological studies regarding the mental health of people who keep a gratitude journal. There is a measurable improvement in depression after just three weeks of beginning a gratitude journal. After three months some people report no depression. I am not implying that journaling gratitude replaces medical care but journaling can be a supplement. I challenge you to keep a journal beside your bed and try to think of three things at bedtime that you are grateful for that day.
I am in an online bereaved parents group. When I challenge them to comment with three things they are grateful for that day, the list is humbling. Examples are an afternoon with a grandchild, time spent working in a garden, someone to help with a difficult chore, or someone who was thoughtful enough to remember their child’s birthday or angelversary.
Things that might of made a gratitude list before major adversity in my life might have been a beach vacation, a new- to -me vehicle, or maybe something new for the home. Now the things that make my list are time with my adult children, a cookie someone bought me, a card in the mail with a personal note inscribed. Priorities change and it does make life sweeter.
What are some things you are grateful for today that seemed ordinary five years ago? Ten years ago?
Don’t wait until tragedy strikes to have an attitude of gratitude for the ordinary.
Peace and love.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
- Seven Years - September 16, 2023
- Healing After Child Loss - June 19, 2022
- “You Are So Strong” - March 11, 2022
