Never underestimate your strength.
When I am called upon to use my strength it is rarely for something fun. Lifting groceries, putting clean sheets on a bed, dragging the ladder out, cleaning the garage, lawn work, rarely are in the category of fun.
But using those groceries to enjoy a meal with my family, being able to sleep in a clean bed under a safe roof, being able to park my car out of the elements, and enjoying my garden are things that give me pleasure.
Being strong after the loss of a child isn’t fun and most certainly nothing I ever wanted to do. Now my challenge is to find the fruit in my life.
I am a more empathetic and compassionate person since my son’s passing. I am less self focused and more love focused than I used to be. I am choosing to experience more of what life has to offer now because I am not guaranteed a Later On.
In the beginning, when others would tell me how strong I was I wanted to scream, “How else am I supposed to be?” Those words held no comfort for me. In fact, the words and sometimes the person saying them made me angry. But now that I am removed from the initial stages of grief, I look back and I am proud of myself. I WAS strong even in my darkest hours.
I always said before my son passed, if anything ever happened to one of my children, I would die. I meant it with all my heart. When I got the news of his passing, the ground did feel unsteady and shaky for months to come. But I did remain strong enough to feed myself, dress myself, take care of my needs, and take care of my family. I was strong enough to find help in the form of therapy, finding other bereaved parents online in groups, and learning how to share the story of my son’s passing without crying every single time. I have learned to share my experience in the form of writing, speaking engagements, and grief coaching.
Another fruit I had never dreamed, was beginning a bereaved parents group. I have met people from all over the world who have enriched me. I am more aware of needs in more places than my house. I am more aware of the needs in my town, my state, my country, but other countries as well. This group is comprised of people from six continents. Anytime I hear of news from any country, my mind automatically thinks of a friend in England, Ireland, China, Australia, South Africa, Brazil, or Mexico. The same goes for those from the United
States. Events happening in other parts of my country become more real to me as I remember these friends in California, Texas, Arizona, Michigan, Virginia, and every other state in the country. I now have names, faces, and stories of their loved ones who come to my mind when I hear of events that impact all of them.
My family knows exactly who I am talking about when I share anything that starts with My Friend in _. They all give me strength as they tell their stories and I know I am not alone.
Never underestimate the effect your experience has on another person’s life. You are more special and stronger than you know. I encourage you to think of the fruit in your life today.
She writes about life, death, grief, and recovery.
- Seven Years - September 16, 2023
- Healing After Child Loss - June 19, 2022
- “You Are So Strong” - March 11, 2022
