Learning to give up some control has helped me with knowing what is important. I have learned to set boundaries for my time and presence. Learning to let go of the need to fix other peoples problems helps as well. I am not more capable than anyone else. I have learned to listen more and wait to determine if my help is even necessary for the other person’s highest good. That means letting go of my own ego that wants to be a fixer. Instead, I can allow the other person to see how far they can go without my help first. My grief journey took away a lot of my energy for quite a while. I had to let people outside of my husband and children manage without me. In addition to it being healing for me, it allows other people to use their own unique gifts and abilities when I don’t swoop in to fix everything. The extra gift to me now that I am farther on my journey is now I have time to do things...

November 2019 I had a dream of Will last night. I could not get him off my mind all day. I was puttering in the house all day getting ready for Christmas and hearing Will’s voice in my head. “ I am so sorry, Mom. I am so sorry.” I was nearing the end of my puttering, when about 5:00, the idea randomly popped into my head that my husband and I needed to go see the new Mister Rogers movie. I consulted the movie listings and the next showing would be at 6:50. The movie began with Mister Rogers speaking directly into the camera with the most soothing voice I think I have ever heard. I felt the rushing and stress of the day melt from my body. Also, I could feel Will with me there. It was such a relaxing experience. I always take a fleece blanket to the movie at our new reclining chair theater for maximum enjoyment. I was thoroughly immersed in this little slice of heaven, when in the movie...

Most bereaved parents know that awkward feeling when someone new asks the question, “How did he/she die?” I have always been a truth teller. I was reared to answer with the correct answer anytime anyone asked me a question. Maybe it was taught to me through an authoritarian style of parenting. Or maybe I was taught this because I was reared to be unfailingly polite. As a result, when someone asked me, “ How did he die?”or “What happened?”, I would blurt out the answer. A one word answer ( example: accident, cancer, wreck, suicide, overdose) would usually tempt them to press for more details. It is actually very painful for me to relive the details surrounding my son’s passing. Some are asking out of natural curiosity. Some ask in order to get the tea. Some ask as a rote response. The question usually comes up because someone new has asked me, “So how many children do you have?” The...