FacebookTwitter

How I Reclaimed My Life After Child Loss

By on May 18, 2019 |

Child loss stinks. When I became a parent my hormones kicked in and I had the instinct to nurture, feed, and protect this child. My life revolved around finding ways to provide for this child. Once I had multiple children, I realized that each one had a different personality and different needs. My heart adjusted and made room for each one. I think of my heart as being divided into equal parts for each child. In each room, a different child resides. Different activities happen in each room. Depending on the age of my child, it might be preschool, a sport and the activities surrounding it, college, marriage, or their own children. After my oldest child passed away, the room appeared empty. I thought all that remained of him on earth were the photographs, trophies, toys, and memories. What was I supposed to do with that now empty room in my heart? He no longer texted or phoned to check...

Being Authentic

By on Apr 29, 2019 |

In the South, women make a particular type of small talk. If two acquaintances come upon each other, one of them will say, “Cute shoooooes!” as a greeting and the other will respond, “I looooove your hair!” What follows will be a rapid fire catch up session. The questions, “How are the children?”, “How’s the school year going?” and “When ya’ll goin’ to the beach?”, are bandied about without coming up for air. If time allows, updates on Sally’s D.I.V.O.R.C.E. (bless’er heart), and who’s on the prayer list at church will follow. The only appropriate answers in this scenario are “Fine”, “Great”, “The week of Memorial Day.” No one is interested in hearing, “My oldest was caught drinking Friday night”, “We think Little Johnny is going to have to go...

Bravery

By on Apr 28, 2019 |

Have you ever wondered if you would be brave in a life or death situation if push came to shove? I used to wonder if I had what it would take to be courageous in the presence of being scared to death. I have had eight major surgeries in the past four years. Sometimes it feels as if all I am doing is preparing for a surgery, recovering from a surgery, only to find out I need another surgery. It is a challenge. In September 2016, I had a lumbar surgery. It was intense. When I awoke in post op the nurse asked me how I felt. I told her I felt like I had been stabbed in the back and left for dead in an alley. Her response was, “In a way, actually that is what happened.” Three weeks later my son passed away. I was still recovering from this incredibly difficult surgery when we got that call. I never felt more helpless in my life as I did in that moment. I was still at a stage of recovery...

The New World of a Bereaved Parent

By on Apr 28, 2019 |

Bereaved parents are a subset of parents. I would have never chosen to be in this special category of parents. I was very happy being a plain, vanilla parent without the drama.Now that I have been in this special group for the last 30 months, I would like to share my observations based on the fact that at this point I have literally read the words or spoken in person to thousands of bereaved parents.The first thing is one does not prepare to be in this subset. There is no planning. When becoming a parent, one has a least 8 months to start wrapping their brain around what kind of parent they might be. One becomes a bereaved parent in one, terrifying, nano second. It is like sitting in a chair and someone lighting a bomb under it. The thrust is so great, it blasts you into the air and slams you onto the floor, leaving you in a limp heap. Can you see why it takes a long time to overcome a...