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Another Visitation Dream

By on Dec 22, 2019 |

I want to share a spirit dream I had this morning just before waking. In the dream I was in the backseat of a car. I felt the sensation of a person beside me. I could not see the face, only the hair color, sandy blond, course texture and lots of waves, very thick. I immediately knew it was Will. I buried my face into his hair and hugged him tight. I could feel the hair texture on my face and his hair smelled just like Will’s hair. Such a familiar smell! Then he said in an pleading, almost tearful voice, “Mom, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I hate that I put you through this.” He seemed to be genuinely concerned that he had hurt me. I soothed him by rubbing his hair and told him, “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone. We will be okay.” In the dream, I truly meant it. I awoke immediately and the feeling I had was it had a spirit dream feel to it. I could remember every detail....

The Grief of Child Loss Will Last As Long As Love Does

By on Dec 6, 2019 | 7 comments

We wonder why our grief won’t ease faster. Why does it stick around so long? We have lost people in our lives before. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, friends… Those losses hurt but eased up as we got back into our routine. After child loss, we wonder what is wrong with us. Will this ever not hurt this much? Are we losing our mind? No, we aren’t losing our mind. We are missing this child in direct proportion to the love we have for them. We grieve for the length of time our heart and mind needs to grasp this new relationship with with our child in spirit. Our child in the physical form took up much of our life and energy. When their physical needs no longer needed to be met, we had time and restless energy on our hands. The time we had previously spent meeting their daily needs such as feeding, grooming, educating, nurturing, etc took up big chunks of our day. Or if our child was...

How Do I Live Without You?

By on Sep 17, 2019 | 3 comments

This is a question bereaved parents ask themselves. Without a doubt, child loss is the most life changing event of my life. There is a hole that cannot be filled with anything else. The longing is palpable dozens of times in a day. The question, “How could this be?”, is one I think about often. There is no answer to this question. The other question I ask myself is, “How do I live despite this loss?” Because there is no clear answer to either of these questions I am left to navigate by myself in uncharted territory. How did I get to this place in my life? This is not the plan I carefully mapped out. There was supposed to be a trajectory to my life, my son’s life and our family’s life, that was logical and planned for everyone’s highest good. But life, fate, or bad luck had another plan. The song sung by LeeAnn Rhimes titled, How Do I Live Without You, runs through my head often. I read...