Never underestimate your strength. When I am called upon to use my strength it is rarely for something fun. Lifting groceries, putting clean sheets on a bed, dragging the ladder out, cleaning the garage, lawn work, rarely are in the category of fun. But using those groceries to enjoy a meal with my family, being able to sleep in a clean bed under a safe roof, being able to park my car out of the elements, and enjoying my garden are things that give me pleasure. Being strong after the loss of a child isn’t fun and most certainly nothing I ever wanted to do. Now my challenge is to find the fruit in my life. I am a more empathetic and compassionate person since my son’s passing. I am less self focused and more love focused than I used to be. I am choosing to experience more of what life has to offer now because I am not guaranteed a Later On. In the beginning, when others would tell me...

I remember  my first Mother’s Day in 2017 after my son passed. I wore a Lily Pulitzer shift with it’s distinctive pink and green florals on a white background. I bought that dress on the last visit I had with my son in July 2016. I selected that dress to wear on that first Mother’s Day in the hopes that the cheerful, bright colors would make my heart rise to the hype of the day. The most intrusive thought I had in ny head was what’s so happy about it, dammit. Two of my remaining three children spent the day with me. The third facetimed me for a visit. I remember taking a photo of the sky that day. The sky was a beautiful color of blue and was unmarked by a single cloud. I remember the striking contrast of the blue sky with the most lush color green of the trees. We spent the day in our little courtyard. To the casual observer the day was perfection. However, the chaos inside my...

I shared yesterday with you about my dream of Will the previous night. I could not get him off my mind all day. I was puttering in the house all day getting ready for Christmas and hearing Will’s voice in my head. “ I am so sorry, Mom. I am so sorry.” I was nearing the end of my puttering, when about 5:00, the idea randomly popped into my head that my husband and I needed to go see the new Mister Rogers movie. I consulted the movie listings and the next showing would be at 6:50. The movie began with Mister Rogers speaking directly into the camera with the most soothing voice I think I have ever heard. I felt the rushing and stress of the day melt from my body. Also, I could feel Will with me there. It was such a relaxing experience. I always take a fleece blanket to the movie at our new reclining chair theater for maximum enjoyment. I was thoroughly immersed in this little slice of...